


Carneades

by dorkery



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, Childhood, Discipline, Fratricide, Gen, Hallucinations, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-13
Updated: 2011-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-26 01:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkery/pseuds/dorkery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If two men were drowning in the ocean and there was a plank that could only hold the weight of one man, pushing the other man away was not murder. Not murder.</p><p>Now available in <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7419610/1/">French</a> and <a href="http://1581267014.lofter.com/post/1d3b5676_acc8ba7">Chinese</a>!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carneades

**Author's Note:**

> Filled for the Hetalia Kink Meme. Original request: "[ **Germany and Prussia - Sink or swim:** Prussia is about to die and Germany honestly debates the merits of saving him.](http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/20749.html?thread=82404109#t82404109)" I took some artistic liberties with this one. This was also written right in the textbox so it may not be super excellent or whatever. It's the _idea_ that counts.
> 
> Something a little on the darker side. Ho-hum.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I enjoy my privacy?"

"Chrissakes, I'm not even _talking_ about that, you meathead. I was offering to help around the--"

"Do you honestly think I can trust you after what you did to my paperwork on the Eurozone Financial Transactions Tax--"

"Why can't you ever fucking let that go, I totally didn't mean to do that, okay? You don't hear me dragging out that time you wet the bed--"

"They're incomparable! Unable to be compared! Completely different in severity!"

"Are you shitting me, that was Johann's newest fucking expensive gold-embroidered bedspread, he gave me a flogging for letting you sleep in it and I still have the scars--"

In an instant, Prussia disappeared from view. If he had anything else to say, he did not say it. Germany, at first, felt a surge of self-satisfaction but when he realised the ground from under their feet had crumbled, he quickly approached the edge and peered over it. Prussia was clinging to the side of the cliff, glancing past his shoulder and staring at the rocks in the water a ways down. Germany crossed his arms irritably.

"That's what you get for not paying attention when you walk. Now hurry up and get out of there."

Prussia shot him a glare and, without realising it, grabbed Germany's ankle. He slipped from the edge of the cliff and Prussia watched with horror as he grabbed for the man. They both slid down by quite a distance, scuffing their sleeves and arms along the rocky cliff face but Prussia managed to drag Germany up alongside him eventually, guiding him to a tree root that stuck out of the surface. They remained as still as possible, made sure they were more or less secure before the quarrel started up again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you want to kill us both? You could have just gotten out of this mess by yourself and we'd be on our way but _no_ \--"

"I'm fucking sorry, all right? I didn't mean it, it was a goddamn reflex that I have--"

"A _reflex_ , what the hell were you thinking, that you were in a swimming pool? This is what I mean, you never _think_ , you never--"

"Holy fuck will you shut the fuck up, just shut the fuck up for once in your goddamned life--"

"I will _not_ , you're the reason why we're in this situation in the first place--"

"The fucking stability of the _cliff_ is the reason why I'm here and your snotty little punk ass attitude is the reason why _you're_ here with me--"

" _My_ attitude--"

"Yeah, wow, and I totally saved your ass after you fell--"

" _You pulled me down_ \--"

"And I fucking regret it, all right? Because your whiny fucking ass can't take it, obviously--"

"What I can't take is your frivolous sense of fun and danger and the fact that you can't confine your misfortunes to yourself--"

"I am going to kick your huge fat ass when we get out of this _mess--_ "

The rocks Prussia had been holding onto began to crumble under him and, even as he scrabbled higher for more secure rocks, he started to fall. Germany grabbed him by the wrist and Prussia clung on as tightly as he could, unable to support his weight any other way because the cliff face had sloped inwards, leaving him hanging in the middle of a vast empty space without a rock or vine that he or Germany could reach. He looked down at the waves as they crashed against the rocks, looming ever closer, and then up at Germany, staying as still as he could.

"Okay, proposing a ceasefire until we get help."

" _Fine_ ," Germany bit, struggling to keep them both alive. Prussia was the one who sucked in some air and yelled for help as Germany focused on not letting go.

Of course, all of this had happened four hours ago.

 

=====

 

They hung limply off the side of the cliff face, Germany exhausted from supporting the weight of two grown adults and Prussia sore from yelling for help intermittently throughout the past hours. Germany tried to think happy thoughts. On the one hand, Prussia's sore throat meant he would shut up for once. That, surely, was the happiest of thoughts.

"Shit, doesn't anyone realise that we're missing?"

Worst of thoughts. Germany gnashed his teeth. "The better question is 'Does no one realise _I_ am missing?'. How the hell are they getting anything done without me up there?"

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said."

Prussia fell silent, staring moodily at the ocean below him. Germany would have felt bad if he wasn't so damned tired. Several times he felt his fingers loosen but he reminded himself that allowing Prussia to fall now would deny him of the chance to punch his face in on more stable ground. Allowing Prussia to fall was irresponsible and if there was one thing Germany could not stand for, it was the very notion that he could ever be such a thing. No, between the two of them, clearly the irresponsible one was Prussia. And that was the gospel truth.

"I'm bored."

"Shut up," Germany responded automatically. He forced himself not to sigh, having predicted this behaviour for all the years they had spent together. Trust Prussia to feel bored in the middle of a death-defying situation. He had thrill issues, to be sure.

"How about 99 bottles of beer on the..."

He trailed off, coughing roughly. His voice was hoarse from all the shouting he'd done and a song was not forthcoming, not by a long shot.

Across the ocean, the sun's position approached ever closer to the horizon, not yet setting but getting there eventually. Germany was exhausted to the very bone. He honestly didn't know how much longer he could hold on, compelling himself with words like "Prussia is my brethren" and "Prussia would do the same". However, the conviction in those words felt shakier and shakier as the minutes ticked by, its integrity chipped away by any and every inane comment Prussia thought to toss up at him. Thirst and hunger was starting to devour him. They hadn't eaten lunch or breakfast. It was doing things to his mind and he tried to remind himself that things would turn out all right. Things usually turned out all right. On this occasion, it was surely no different. Surely.

Germany's fingers started to slip.

Alarmed, Prussia grappled Germany's wrist, looking up at him in horror.

"Wake up, fatass! Don't you dare drop me or I swear to god, after the rocks break me apart and the fish chew me up and spit out my bones, I will haunt the ever living shit out of you in those gross gooey post-fish pieces. I'm not even joking."

"Why can't you ever shut up," Germany said bitterly, only halfheartedly tightening his grip. "Why can't you ever be _useful_."

"I'm plenty fucking useful," Prussia countered hotly.

"If I drop you, I bet nothing would change."

"How _dare_ you--" But Prussia interrupted himself, stared at Germany with growing despondency. "Do you... Do you _honestly_ think that?"

"That's for me to know."

"Don't even joke about shit like that," Prussia said, "Don't you ever do that."

And then silence fell between them again.

 

=====

 

"HELP," Prussia yelled, voice cracking. "FUCK'S SAKE, HELP YOU MOTHERFUCKERS."

Germany's vision was starting to morph and flicker with the coming twilight, the air taking shapes he never knew could be. His throat grew ever drier and his fingers ever sweatier. A few times, his grip on the tree root faltered but he had dug his fingernails in so deeply now that his hands were starting bleed. He tried to keep both of his feet firmly wedged in the crevices of the cliff face but the angle was starting to make his limbs feel sore. The moment he shifted a little to allow blood to flow through his legs, clumps of earth would start to roll down and it forced him to stop lest greater tragedies occur.

As he squinted up along the cliff, he almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. They weren't so far down as they must have felt. If he had use of both hands, Germany could easily climb out of there within five minutes. If he had use of both hands. If he had use of both...

"GERMANY'S DOWN HERE, FUCKING HELP."

No one was coming. No one was coming. How great his friends were. How thoughtful. How caring. He had to do everything himself. Starting with a rescue effort.

If he only had use of both hands.

 

=====

 

What use was Prussia anymore?

Honestly.

Aside from the sentimentality of growing up under his tutelage, his time had come and gone. Yes, oh yes, he had once been a great kingdom, the greatest of kingdoms, but there was no point in dwelling on the past now, was there? Kingdoms rose and kingdoms fell. Under Bismarck, if Bismarck's authority and policies had continued, surely Prussia now would assume the name 'Germany' just as England assumed the name 'United Kingdom'. But he had, for some inexplicable reason, 'relegated' that specific task to Germany himself, somehow believing that the prestige of the name Prussia that was now a state rather than a nation _meant something_. And then there were the wars. And then there was the split. Sure, he had assumed the shape of some political entity with the Soviets but now they had come together again, the only reason he hadn't disappeared like the rest of their German brothers was because he stubbornly clung onto the illusion that he was _needed_ , that the economic disparity between their halves required him.

He stayed home all day, wrote his blog, goofed around, sometimes cleaned the house, sometimes cooked, sometimes did the laundry.

But what was he good for?

Honestly.

 

=====

 

If Prussia wasn't around, things would be the same. They would be the same as they had been right after the second world war. Germany had been independent for a long, long time. He took care of himself perfectly well. Perfectly well. He didn't need the added burden of taking care of a layabout like Prussia now, did he? A layabout. Take care. Independent.

 _No_ , something in his chest argued, _no, no, no_.

He saw some flashes of the past, in which Prussia held him in his arms and kissed his nose, in which Prussia jumped into the lake when he was thought to have drowned, in which Prussia mended him after a rough bout of sparring.

But that was a long time ago. A long time. There was no use dwelling on the past. If the past wanted to justify Prussia, there were far more sinister history between them.

Being beaten. Being hurt. Being abandoned. Being smacked. Being hurt. Being hurt.

 _No, no, no_ , said his chest again. And once more for good measure, _no_.

 

=====

 

Remember?

That time Prussia took him by the hair and thrashed him for talking to Austria despite forbidding him ( _war, amidst war and hostilities_ ). That time when Prussia made him disassemble and reassemble his rifle in the blistering winter again and again and again until he almost collapsed despite it being the middle of the night, despite him being hungry and frightened, despite his crying. That time Prussia took him by the collar and smashed his head into the wall because the Prussian cabinet had been dismissed. That time Prussia slapped him for throwing out some old communist paraphernalia.

Remember.

That time when Prussia pushed him away and called France to his side so he would taste defeat. That time Prussia fought with Austria and then against him all so that he could possess Germany's lands. That time he thrust Germany into the heart of battle even though there were no helmets small enough to accommodate a child. That time when he smacked Germany for daring to suggest that Bismarck was a fool.

 _But then he held your hand and took you riding and searched the Black Forest for you when you lost your way and scolded you and promised to care for you and kissed you to sleep and_ slapped you for obeying orders and sabotaged your treaties and undermined your authority because he was weak, is weak, will always be weak now that you're older, a man, independent, in charge of his own nation with his own borders and military. He was jealous of you, always was jealous of you, wanted you to rely on him so that once you were a man you would submit to him under the illusion of familial ties.

Remember.

Prussia was weak.

Is.

Useless.

And nothing would change if he disappeared.

 

=====

 

"Hey," Prussia said hoarsely, squinting through the dusk. "What are you thinking about?"

"Carneades."

"Carneades? Familiar name. Some Greek philosopher or something?"

"Cyrenean."

"Carneades," Prussia repeated, like he was trying to remember something. "Carneades."

They fell quiet once again. Beyond the horizon, the sun was beginning to set. It was getting colder.

 

=====

 

Germany's fingers slipped again.

 

=====

 

"Carneades," Prussia suddenly said, a chill running down his spine. "Carneades' Plank."

Germany said nothing.

Prussia did nothing but laze around and leech off the economic wealth of the hardworking west Germans, didn't contribute to government, didn't contribute to the overall well-being of the nation. What was the point of him anymore? Why did he exist? Germany was one whole nation, no longer a dichotomy, no longer requiring the existence of two entities. Even though Prussia loved him.

loved

loves

"Isn't that the thought experiment about two guys drowning in the middle of the ocean with a plank that can only support the weight of one of them?"

Germany's grip loosened. Prussia grabbed him tighter, feeling a rush of panic.

but

Prussia had no real point anymore, even in name the state of Prussia did not exist so why, _why_ did he hang on to existence so stubbornly, so so stubbornly, why did he still cling to Germany like a parasite because he was a parasite a parasite

"And if one guy pushes the other guy off and is saved... if he were tried for murder he could argue in self-defence because one of them was going to die anyway?"

Germany said only one thing:

"I'm tired."

"Oh no, no you don't you stupid brat, _don't let me die_. I would never, _never_ let you die so don't you do this to me. Don't you forget all those times I risked my life for you because I - are you listening to me? West, Germany, _are you listening to me?_ Stay strong for a little longer, someone will come. Someone will come for you. If they don't give a shit about me, _someone will still come for you_."

"That's right," Germany said deliriously. "Someone will come for me."

"Oh sweet Jesus," Prussia whispered. "Please don't kill me, Germany. Not you."

Germany's fingers slipped.

And then he found himself eye-to-eye with Switzerland.

"Listen, beefcake, I'm going to put the harness on Prussia first and then I'll attach one to you. We'll pull you up slowly but once the harness is on, you can let go. For now, keep a tight grip on the idiot. Don't do anything until I say so, okay?"

Germany could only nod dumbly.

"Good. Don't worry, I have a professional mountaineering license. My Red Cross people are up there."

In what seemed like mere moments, Germany found himself on solid ground, far away from the cliff from which he had been dangling for hours and hours. For the first time, his arm began to hurt powerfully, a pain he had never known could have existed in one stupid appendage. Though he was crowded, he distinctly remembered the first person to touch his face and check his wounds had been Prussia, thinner and thirstier than he was and pale and weak and upset. But the crowd descended and Prussia was elbowed away. And by the time Germany had some water inside him to make him think clearly, Prussia was gone.

No one had missed him.

 

=====

 

A week later, Germany entered Prussia's room without knocking. Their first conversation since the cliff. Prussia hadn't kicked Germany's ass and Germany hadn't punched his face in, as both had promised at the start of the entire fracas.

"What is it?"

Germany winced at the lack of emotion in Prussia's voice. The lack of fire. The lack of... the lack of _caring_. He stayed in his room. He didn't come down to eat. He didn't make a mess. He didn't talk on the phone. Sometimes he walked the dogs but otherwise...

"...I'm sorry for being weak," Germany said. "I never meant..."

"Don't lie," Prussia calmly closed the magazine he had been reading. "You meant every word."

"I was _weak_ ," Germany insisted. "I didn't... I never wanted to..."

"Kill me?"

Germany couldn't say anything. He clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Would it make you happier if I disappeared?" Prussia asked quietly. "Would you prefer it if I didn't stay with you? Because when I offer to help you, you call me a nuisance and when I don't do anything, you call me a nuisance."

"I'm sorry," Germany said, on his knees at the foot of Prussia's bed, clutching Prussia's lap and burying his face in it. "I'm sorry."

Warily, Prussia threaded his fingers in Germany's hair like he always did. He always would, too. And it was a failure on his part, a failure to be made of sterner stuff, a failure to refrain from giving in to Germany, like he always would because old Prussias always gave in to young Germanys. And it was an even greater failure on his part because Germany would never feel that way about Prussia; love did not hesitate. Prussia never hesitated.

"You were weak," Prussia finally said, with great reluctance. He tried to forget the hurt that had come at the realisation that he meant nothing to the world, that the world only saw Germany and no one else from his corner of Europe. As Germany embraced him, relieved at this admission of forgiveness, Prussia could only squeeze his eyes shut, wanting to believe his own words with everything he had. "You were weak."


End file.
